So jest you rear back and tell ol’ Alphonse here
what you think of this, okay? Alphonse Wilson, here, the one they
call Windy, a-course, bringin’ you whatever’s the latest stuff you
need ta know jest to make your life a bunch gooder.
This here guy did a write-up in a barber shop magazine t’other day
‘bout how we got goldanged lizards runnin’ the United States of
Congress! If I’m lyin’ may my suspenders get caught in a grain drill
and deposit my butt in the silo!
This guy says we been run by lizard folks for a long time now, only
jest he and some other guys was smart enough to notice. Yessir. Said
he even saw it on the teevee on the X Files, and you know they don’t
I jest wanted to straighten out what might be goin’ bent on us here,
so I read the whole en-tire story. He said they wasn’t jest like our
backyard lizards but a whole heap smarter, ‘cuz they invented stuff
and got rich and got elected to the halls of monterzoomer. But
they’re bigger. Yep. Size of us. So how you ‘spose them lizards come
to take over the gov’ment?
[to top of second
Mighta been them push-ups. Ya
see, I told ya I been studyin’ it. We all know that them lizards …
he called ‘em reptiloids, sorta rhymes with hemorrhoids, don’t it?
Maybe thass cuz he thinks they’re a pain in the butt. Anyhoo,
lizards do push-ups on the wall in the summer, and they eat bugs.
Sounds ‘bout right fer Congressionals, don’t it?
So here’s the problem: how can we tell if they’s a lizard-guy before
we vote for ‘em? Maybe when they all stand on the stage and the
moderate guy asks ‘em questions, should oughta throw in a lizard
question or two. You know, like “Senator, do you hibernate in
winter?” or maybe “Congress Lady, whattya you think of the taste-a
mealy worms compared with ladybugs?”
There’s gotta be a way, or I’ll be a blue-bellied skink. And you can
tell ‘em I said so.
[Text from file received from
you by Windy’s Words of Wisdom, a vital part of Home Country with
Slim Randles, on a classic country music radio station near you.